Have you ever been hurt by a band? Answer truthfully. Were you ever insulted upon meeting your favorite artist? Scorned after a post-gig love affair? On less personal notes, offended by a band's continual skipping of your town/region/country on tours? Disgusted by their new mashup of musical genre (*coughbonjovicough*)? Anyone who has passionate affection for more than one musical artist can probably answer "yes" to at least one of those questions, if not more.
Now here's the hook... How often do you go back for more abuse?
I have seen the whole charade enough to know when my friends and myself are loving the pain. Sadly it has been all too often where I've had no choice but to sit back and watch friends turn into groupies, be dismissed the next day and shooed away, never again seen in the same light by their idols. Yet those girls are the ones who continue with their undying love and fail to realize their love wasn't returned during that bathroom encounter. Ick. On the other end of the spectrum, I have male friends who continually build up the same excitement every time their "one true love" band announces a new album, only to be disappointed when it's the same crap rehashed since the 90s, with a new duo done with an artist they loathe, and their town is yet again left off the tour. Does it matter to them that they are so irrelevant to the famous guys they've modeled their lives after, and that this scenario will play out until they're balding old men?
No. Masochistic band fans love the pain. It hurts so good, after all.
In a way one could see music fans as some of the most optimistic and hopeful souls on earth. We may listen to the most depressing lyrics, dress all in black, and lock ourselves away with just our tunes for days on end (or perhaps that was just me at 16) but every time we are let down we get back up again, with more strength than we ever show in real life. We handle the artificial disappointments doled out by our loves with dignity, easily recover, and are quick to forgive and forget.
I often wonder if it isn't an addiction, chasing that first high we got from our bands; yet just as the heroin addict can never repeat that feeling, nor can we. The first 5 times I heard Rebellion (Lies) by Arcade Fire, I had chills and goosebumps. When I saw them from the midst of O2 Arena in London, that feeling had long since passed, and I merely stood there in a sense of panic wondering what they'd done to my song to keep it from giving me that feeling. Ever since, I've loved at least a half dozen songs on each Arcade Fire album, but none have raised my arm hairs. I keep buying their CDs though, and in the back of my mind cannot kill that hope they will write something else that stirs me so deeply. The same goes for gigs - my first proper Franz Ferdinand gig literally changed my life. While that sounds incredibly corny, it was chasing that feeling again which turned me into a highfalutin, world traveling woman of the world who worked 4 disgustingly degrading jobs to pay my way across the Atlantic and back not once, but thrice. Those gigs were amazing, and a series of events pertaining to their aftermath led me to the very bed I lie in as I type this; however the rush I got at that first gig in Providence never came back. I had lost my sense of awe at their live shows, and my inhibitions went up and up the more I ran into the guys in the band. I no longer wanted to be a fan having a good time, because those people annoyed me - and I didn't want to annoy them. Going to gigs, sometime around gig 15 of 29, became a right effort. I know that effort will be massively multiplied come seeing them again in October, but that hasn't stopped me from buying tickets to 2 gigs so far. My inner masochist is looking forward to that pain.
It isn't just the live gigs. I do it with the albums, too, and I know I'm not alone. My friend and I have been debating all week, ever since the new Franz album came out, whether or not we like it. At first, we didn't - hell I even hated the mere IDEA of it. But now, it's growing on me. Am I liking it because it's them? Did I ever *not* like it, or was I just resistant to the change? Have I forgiven them for skipping my entire half the country five times in a row, doling out drama galore to do with this album, and taking 4 years to produce something that probably should be better for that time frame? I'm not one to forgive and forget, so that can't be it. I think the masochist in me is coming out. When it no longer hurts to like them, the masochistic band fan must find a way to drag that knife. As my friend and I debated this album online, another friend of hers chimed in, "Why wouldn't you like it? You love Franz." Neither of us really had a good answer, but we tried. That's the thing, after all. We're all just too big of masochists to enjoy the good parts, and when loving our loves stops hurting, we have to find a way to get our fix.
How about you? Do you like your music with a side of heartache, or are you more subdued than that? Do you know the warning signs of band masochism in case you or your friends need an intervention?
Showing posts with label bon jovi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bon jovi. Show all posts
10.9.10
How The Music We Listen To Shapes the Men Of Our Dreams
Think back to the frontmen you idolized as a teenager, the crooners who lulled you to sleep as a little girl. Chances are, if you're anything like me, they were great romantics. Did you grow up wanting to fall in love with Jim Morrison? I don't think any girl can say there wasn't at least one frontman she hoped to find a real life replica of, and we're not talking just for looks.
As far back as I can remember, I was listening to The Who, with Roger Daltrey belting out Townshend's and Entwhistle's heartbreaks. Perhaps the biggest sap of all time is Bono himself, a key piece in my childhood, and womanhood. He always seemed to have such a big heart - not just for Africa and the starving babies, but for the women in his life. I thought that, surely, all men are capable of loving so much.
One of my close friends used to be able to sleep as a child only if her grandad played Chris Isaak. As an adult, she still listens to him, and in fact turned me on to the man's soulful words. You can feel his guitar weeping, but what brings on the tears in your own eyes is his sadness, his pleading, how in love he always is with a girl who won't love him back in the same way. What kills you inside is how you know he'll fall in love again, despite how bad it hurts. He'll let another one torture him, because the payoff is worth the pain.
The ones who say "baby" always got to me the most. Jon Bon Jovi created entire songs around this concept, and knowing the weakness it is in women. You'd think a woman was singing the song below, but it's not. It's a guy at the end of his chain, willing to do anything to keep his girl. I guess he's really turned that way - the softest songs are the ones about his wife. But is the world filled with Jon Bon Jovis? No, and most men would be ashamed to be caught dead listening to such drivel, let alone acting that way. I have a few select guy friends who have no shame in admitting it. I also know how they're as connected to those songs through the hard times as I have been.
My teenage years were the most detrimental to my perception. I fell into Depeche Mode, Interpol, The Arcade Fire, HIM, the overall new insurgence of guys who weren't afraid to put their masculinity on the line and even sound like queers to write and sing about the deeper stirrings of their hearts. Those were also the years I started to learn that real men aren't like my British psuedo-idols, they aren't that passionate, that soft, that open. They generally really do care more about sex, status, and good times than anything emotional. Surely there are exceptions, but they are few and far between, and they're often hurt and turned bitter by the uncaring girls along the way who give womankind a bad name.
I often wonder how this shapes the men. Do they become the songs they listen to, grow up seeing them as words to live by? Does the subject matter inundating our society now affect that? When my older brother was a teenager, times had changed. Romance, even just the mere acceptance of men singing about it, had died. George Michael, Simon Le Bon and many of the other greats of the '80s had come out of the closet and changed the perception of what was "straight." Nirvana and the deep grunge phase of self-loathing and pity were in. For the first time, songs about abusing women, slapping them around, dirty rap about sex on the dance floor and life as a pimp, were going mainstream. What happened to the days when America wouldn't show Elvis below the waist, in fear his shaking hips would stir up the yearning loins of teenage girls?
I'm not saying you should base a guy's personality and inclination towards treatment of women on the music he listens to. I've known perfectly good guys who listened to Slipknot, and rather wretched ones who had a fetish for Five For Fighting. I'm probably not even hitting the nail on the head with this one. It's just a theory, that if what a woman expects, or sees men as being, can be affected by her exposure to lyrical material… surely a guy's behavior can be too? Or is this another chicken-before-the-egg type deal, where we just don't know - do they listen to what the do, because they're already turned a certain way and that's what they connect to? I'm sure the people who want to blame Marilyn Manson for strings of suicides and school shootings are still trying to figure that one out. Any of the lads want to give me their 2 cents? Try opening up and talking about it. I know you can do it.
As far back as I can remember, I was listening to The Who, with Roger Daltrey belting out Townshend's and Entwhistle's heartbreaks. Perhaps the biggest sap of all time is Bono himself, a key piece in my childhood, and womanhood. He always seemed to have such a big heart - not just for Africa and the starving babies, but for the women in his life. I thought that, surely, all men are capable of loving so much.
You can run from love
And if it's really love it will find you
Catch you by the heel
But you can't be numb for love
The only pain is to feel nothing at all
How can I hurt when I'm holding you?
-A Man And A Woman (2004)
And if it's really love it will find you
Catch you by the heel
But you can't be numb for love
The only pain is to feel nothing at all
How can I hurt when I'm holding you?
-A Man And A Woman (2004)
One of my close friends used to be able to sleep as a child only if her grandad played Chris Isaak. As an adult, she still listens to him, and in fact turned me on to the man's soulful words. You can feel his guitar weeping, but what brings on the tears in your own eyes is his sadness, his pleading, how in love he always is with a girl who won't love him back in the same way. What kills you inside is how you know he'll fall in love again, despite how bad it hurts. He'll let another one torture him, because the payoff is worth the pain.
Give me a sign and let me know we're through
If you don't love me like I love you
But if you cry at night the way I do I'll know that somebody's lying
-Somebody's Crying (1995)
If you don't love me like I love you
But if you cry at night the way I do I'll know that somebody's lying
-Somebody's Crying (1995)
The ones who say "baby" always got to me the most. Jon Bon Jovi created entire songs around this concept, and knowing the weakness it is in women. You'd think a woman was singing the song below, but it's not. It's a guy at the end of his chain, willing to do anything to keep his girl. I guess he's really turned that way - the softest songs are the ones about his wife. But is the world filled with Jon Bon Jovis? No, and most men would be ashamed to be caught dead listening to such drivel, let alone acting that way. I have a few select guy friends who have no shame in admitting it. I also know how they're as connected to those songs through the hard times as I have been.
If you don't love me - lie to me
'Cause baby you're the one thing I believe
Let it all fall down around us, if that's what's meant to be
Right now if you don't love me baby - lie to me
-Lie To Me (1995)
'Cause baby you're the one thing I believe
Let it all fall down around us, if that's what's meant to be
Right now if you don't love me baby - lie to me
-Lie To Me (1995)
My teenage years were the most detrimental to my perception. I fell into Depeche Mode, Interpol, The Arcade Fire, HIM, the overall new insurgence of guys who weren't afraid to put their masculinity on the line and even sound like queers to write and sing about the deeper stirrings of their hearts. Those were also the years I started to learn that real men aren't like my British psuedo-idols, they aren't that passionate, that soft, that open. They generally really do care more about sex, status, and good times than anything emotional. Surely there are exceptions, but they are few and far between, and they're often hurt and turned bitter by the uncaring girls along the way who give womankind a bad name.
I submit my incentive is romance
I watched the pole dance of the stars
We rejoice because the hurting is so painless
From the distance of passing cars
But I am married to your charms & grace
I just go crazy like the good old days
You make me want to pick up a guitar
And celebrate the myriad ways that I love you
Can you see what you've done to my heart
And soul?
This is a wasteland now
-Slow Hands (2005)
I watched the pole dance of the stars
We rejoice because the hurting is so painless
From the distance of passing cars
But I am married to your charms & grace
I just go crazy like the good old days
You make me want to pick up a guitar
And celebrate the myriad ways that I love you
Can you see what you've done to my heart
And soul?
This is a wasteland now
-Slow Hands (2005)
I often wonder how this shapes the men. Do they become the songs they listen to, grow up seeing them as words to live by? Does the subject matter inundating our society now affect that? When my older brother was a teenager, times had changed. Romance, even just the mere acceptance of men singing about it, had died. George Michael, Simon Le Bon and many of the other greats of the '80s had come out of the closet and changed the perception of what was "straight." Nirvana and the deep grunge phase of self-loathing and pity were in. For the first time, songs about abusing women, slapping them around, dirty rap about sex on the dance floor and life as a pimp, were going mainstream. What happened to the days when America wouldn't show Elvis below the waist, in fear his shaking hips would stir up the yearning loins of teenage girls?
I'm not saying you should base a guy's personality and inclination towards treatment of women on the music he listens to. I've known perfectly good guys who listened to Slipknot, and rather wretched ones who had a fetish for Five For Fighting. I'm probably not even hitting the nail on the head with this one. It's just a theory, that if what a woman expects, or sees men as being, can be affected by her exposure to lyrical material… surely a guy's behavior can be too? Or is this another chicken-before-the-egg type deal, where we just don't know - do they listen to what the do, because they're already turned a certain way and that's what they connect to? I'm sure the people who want to blame Marilyn Manson for strings of suicides and school shootings are still trying to figure that one out. Any of the lads want to give me their 2 cents? Try opening up and talking about it. I know you can do it.
29.7.09
Bon Jovi - Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ, USA - 29.7.2006
I wondered why today I had a burning desire to listen to some Bon Jovi, after what must be months since I've put them on. I finally realized, it's been 3 years since one of the greatest shows of my life.
It's funny how these things happen, how you go into it blind and know you've hit it lucky. When tickets went on sale to this show, I didn't buy any, as I couldn't afford them. I sat there on Ticketmaster, watching good seats pass through my hands, and having to let them go. As time went on, I knew it was the last night of the tour, and something just screamed at me to go. When I found a fan selling a pair of 15th row floor seats at face value, I still couldn't afford them, but I emptied my rainy day fund anyways. At that moment in my life, I needed it. It turned out to be one of those things that all odds were against me doing, and yet I overcame.
The Yards, winners of the tour-long "Have A Nice Gig" contest, opened the show. I don't remember much about them, besides the fact the crowd was kind of dead. I imagine they were just happy for the exposure.
Next up, was Nickelback. They opened with Animals, their only song I give a damn about. I was surprised, actually. What a ballsy move to open your set with a song about a guy getting head while he drives, I thought. Turns out, it went on to be a single. I guess that's just how they roll. I obviously didn't know enough about Nickelback to know this. Overall, I thought they were too arrogant, and that almost all their songs sound the same. They're a little too "hard" and not "heavy" enough for me. The crowd's reception of them was mixed, which they didn't seem to appreciate. I remember one of them saying that next time, everyone would be in that stadium to see THEM open up. Uhhuh.
Seeing a band play their home town is always the best. Last nights of the tour are also either epic, or tragic. In this case, they were still running on the ultimate high. They played until nearly midnight, almost 3 hours. The setlist was 25 songs long, 8 in the encore alone.
Come to think of it, until about the 10th song, I was pretty disappointed and worried. It was a very standard setlist. Yeah, the crowd was great, and it was a high energy show, but they weren't playing anything special. When Jon came down the catwalk, barely a foot from me, I wouldn't even touch his outstretched hand, despite practically being thrown at him by the broad beside me. I was pouting.
Then they did Wildflower. I hadn't been checking setlists, so I didn't know it had already made a few appearances, but still a rare one. Hopes were up. Everything after that, was wham after wham. During Undivided, I watched the planes flying overhead, and realized just how close we were to where 9/11 took place (the subject of the song). Then they ended with Livin' On A Prayer, but we all knew it wasn't over.
The first song of the encore was I Am, my favorite song on the current album. The one that had never been played live before (nor since), that I never thought would be. Jon had lived up to his promise to play every song on 'Have A Nice Day' live. For once, he didn't let us down. I felt like I could die happy at that moment, everything after that was icing and cherries. They went on to do Blood On Blood, These Days (one of my favorite songs by any band), Wild Is The Wind, and I'd Die For You. The show ended with Wanted Dead Or Alive, and almost all save one song I had ever placed on my "Jovi setlist wish list" had just been ticked off. I was in shock, I was happy, I felt so lucky to have been able to experience this show. It was on par with what people travel to Japan or the UK/Europe to see them play, and I got it, 5 hours from home, with a little good luck and guesswork. Amazing.
(Please ignore the fact I look mad/exhausted in these...)
In reflection on all this, I wonder what happened to the band. I wonder why they had to go make country music, why they went back to terrible setlists, why they aren't closing out Giants Stadium and Springsteen is instead. I wonder what happened to my enthusiasm for big songs, big crowds, big bands. My ability to ignore the wank that always seems to follow. My dream to follow them around the world. I wish I could rediscover my love for Jovi. I wish I hadn't let others ruin it for me. They have a new album coming out soon, who knows what might happen. I have no expectations.
It's funny how these things happen, how you go into it blind and know you've hit it lucky. When tickets went on sale to this show, I didn't buy any, as I couldn't afford them. I sat there on Ticketmaster, watching good seats pass through my hands, and having to let them go. As time went on, I knew it was the last night of the tour, and something just screamed at me to go. When I found a fan selling a pair of 15th row floor seats at face value, I still couldn't afford them, but I emptied my rainy day fund anyways. At that moment in my life, I needed it. It turned out to be one of those things that all odds were against me doing, and yet I overcame.
The Yards, winners of the tour-long "Have A Nice Gig" contest, opened the show. I don't remember much about them, besides the fact the crowd was kind of dead. I imagine they were just happy for the exposure.
Next up, was Nickelback. They opened with Animals, their only song I give a damn about. I was surprised, actually. What a ballsy move to open your set with a song about a guy getting head while he drives, I thought. Turns out, it went on to be a single. I guess that's just how they roll. I obviously didn't know enough about Nickelback to know this. Overall, I thought they were too arrogant, and that almost all their songs sound the same. They're a little too "hard" and not "heavy" enough for me. The crowd's reception of them was mixed, which they didn't seem to appreciate. I remember one of them saying that next time, everyone would be in that stadium to see THEM open up. Uhhuh.
Seeing a band play their home town is always the best. Last nights of the tour are also either epic, or tragic. In this case, they were still running on the ultimate high. They played until nearly midnight, almost 3 hours. The setlist was 25 songs long, 8 in the encore alone.
Come to think of it, until about the 10th song, I was pretty disappointed and worried. It was a very standard setlist. Yeah, the crowd was great, and it was a high energy show, but they weren't playing anything special. When Jon came down the catwalk, barely a foot from me, I wouldn't even touch his outstretched hand, despite practically being thrown at him by the broad beside me. I was pouting.
Then they did Wildflower. I hadn't been checking setlists, so I didn't know it had already made a few appearances, but still a rare one. Hopes were up. Everything after that, was wham after wham. During Undivided, I watched the planes flying overhead, and realized just how close we were to where 9/11 took place (the subject of the song). Then they ended with Livin' On A Prayer, but we all knew it wasn't over.
The first song of the encore was I Am, my favorite song on the current album. The one that had never been played live before (nor since), that I never thought would be. Jon had lived up to his promise to play every song on 'Have A Nice Day' live. For once, he didn't let us down. I felt like I could die happy at that moment, everything after that was icing and cherries. They went on to do Blood On Blood, These Days (one of my favorite songs by any band), Wild Is The Wind, and I'd Die For You. The show ended with Wanted Dead Or Alive, and almost all save one song I had ever placed on my "Jovi setlist wish list" had just been ticked off. I was in shock, I was happy, I felt so lucky to have been able to experience this show. It was on par with what people travel to Japan or the UK/Europe to see them play, and I got it, 5 hours from home, with a little good luck and guesswork. Amazing.
(Please ignore the fact I look mad/exhausted in these...)
In reflection on all this, I wonder what happened to the band. I wonder why they had to go make country music, why they went back to terrible setlists, why they aren't closing out Giants Stadium and Springsteen is instead. I wonder what happened to my enthusiasm for big songs, big crowds, big bands. My ability to ignore the wank that always seems to follow. My dream to follow them around the world. I wish I could rediscover my love for Jovi. I wish I hadn't let others ruin it for me. They have a new album coming out soon, who knows what might happen. I have no expectations.
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